we have been looking for this online for ages, and finally someone has delivered. this sketch is officially titled "dessert," but it will always be "dipping areas" to us. watch it while you can. watch it more than once.
thanks to dutchct for making this available on youtube. it's a toughie.
THE PERFECT KIDS IN THE HALL SKETCH
ON WHAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DO
woody allen watches alien beings fly away in stardust memories.
woody has asked the alien what he should do with his life, what it all means. the alien responds: "incidentally, you're not superman; you're a comedian. want to do a real service for the world? tell funnier jokes."
THE BABY ISN'T PULLING HIS WEIGHT AROUND HERE
babies refuse to get jobs, and when they finally do get jobs they can't hold them down. they have no follow-through. ask a baby to do something today, and you're lucky if it gets done in a week, if at all. confront him about it, though, and he'll just start crying.
plus, there's the union to contend with.
WONDERFULNESS
it was right around this time last year that juliet and i worked on our first collaboration for touch touch. it was a video called “parking meter.”
we pay monthly for overnight parking about a block away from our place. our neighborhood is pretty crowded, so it’s nice to always have a space at night. the space is ours until 9am and then we must pay for hourly / day parking by the meter. we rarely leave the house before 12 noon and some days we don’t leave at all. so i get out of bed and walk to the lot to buy us more time.
sometimes i just don’t want to get out of bed, so i don’t.
ticket us ($35)! i say this in a mark e. smith half asleep voice.
i’m independently wealthy in bed. besides, sometimes we get lucky and for whatever reason we don’t get a ticket. it’s totally random.
there is a great newsstand about three blocks away. it’s run by this fella that seems to be a very happy person. he has made a nice little world for himself and his customers. he’s got a couple of cafe tables and a chess board. he sells cool sodas, juices and water. he’s got a television and a decent boombox connected to speakers hung on either side of his l-shaped stand. he plays wonderful music on the stereo at just the right volume for the experience of being there. and magically, it doesn’t interfere with the outdoor speakers at the ubiquitous starbucks, right across the street from him!
it can start your day just right visiting this stand and this man. he is always glad to see you with a friendly word or two. small talk, the kind i like. human being to human being. if you’re not in the mood for chit chat, he’s totally aware. by the time you leave though, even if you haven’t said much, you feel a little better, i swear. i still don’t know his name and he doesn’t know mine.
this morning i felt fine. when i stopped by the stand i was greeted by a bubbly, percussive, percolating sound with a lush and a lovely blue line above it. i said to him, “so what sort of wonderfulness are you playing for us this morning?” he says, “oh man you hit that on the head--miles davis!” i was slightly embarrassed because i usually know miles davis’ trumpet as soon as i hear it and said "oh, yeah, that’s nice.”
i looked up and across the street a couple was dancing outside of the starbucks by their umbrellas. they almost seemed like they were dancing to miles but of course it was something entirely different and marketed by the starbucks label. as i was walking back to our place i thought to myself, you gotta be a special kind of person or a complete dork to start dancing at a starbucks around 9 in the morning.
oh and go here to watch the first touch touch video, “parking meter”
by j s e and r s e.
JACK NICHOLSON AND THE LAST DETAIL
you and another guy are given a simple task with more than enough time to complete it. shore patrol. you are both given a week to escort a prisoner from your naval base at norfolk to the portsmouth military prison. you begin to see this assignment as an opportunity. a chance to experience and, better yet, a chance to facilitate an experience.
the other patrolman is nicknamed “mule." your nickname is “badass” (for good reason). the prisoner is this kid who hasn’t had enough of a life to even earn a nickname. his name is meadows. your story is written by robert towne and is directed for the screen by hal ashby.
the last detail was released in 1974. its initial release was delayed for almost two years because the characters “curse like sailors.” apparently the word "fuck" appears 87 times throughout. i read this and realized that while watching the movie, i didn’t notice the profanity. this may be due to the fact that i have such a yuck mouth myself, but i think it is more a testament the natural believability of performance.
vincent canby called the portrayal of “badass” jack nicholson’s role of a lifetime. he is an explosive force of nature; nicholson captures perfectly the working stiff who spends his whole life in isolated service to a system and an apathetic civilian society. he would be invisible if he wasn't so loud.
there was a time before jack nicholson was “jack,” "the joker," or "uncle jack," as i like to think of him now. his work in the early seventies was paired with great filmmakers who knew how to use the real character of jack nicholson. the people he plays in these stories are unique individuals and nicholson, no matter what, is always there. he is always right there. i get a sense of real collaboration in these works.
like "badass," nicholson facilitates us in the experience of these films. he shows up just as the lights go down. he's along for the ride just like you. but he's a little wiser (or wise assed), more knowing, definitely funnier and more fearless with emotion.
oh and i love the name jack. i named our cat jack and not too long ago i had a job where i convinced all of my co-workers and clients to call me jack small.
ERIC CLARIDGE
"i am a self-taught artist who has been influenced
by the many tremendously talented people i've worked with
and by the endless strange circumstances that life provides."
eric claridge from the band sea & cake
THINGS THAT YOU GUESS/THINGS THAT YOU KNOW
my sister disclosed to me once that her earliest education on relationships and sex came from the video "i want your sex" by george michael. it makes sense, considering how much we loved faith as kids. you know that part of the video where george writes "explore monogamy" on that girl's back in lipstick? i think that's probably what did it.
it's not often that someone points out the origin of those feelings so exactly or with as much candor. which makes me think:
where did you learn how to be in love? in sex? in a relationship?
STATS
what you were doing ten years ago:
juliet at 15. i was doing my homework, taking my lunch at 11am, and getting my first kiss. a great deal and nothing much.
5 things on your to-do list today:
get my hair cut. yes.
do some overdue posting (check).
general apartment clean-up.
pilates for beginners.
early to bed--i've got a long day tomorrow.
3 snacks you enjoy:
chips and salsa, pineapple, mini pickles.
4 Places you have lived
glendale, ca
scottsdale, az
tempe, az
los angeles, ca
i haven't gone far. yet.
5 things you would do if you were a billionaire:
make touch touch my day job.
buy an apartment in paris.
finance an early retirement for my mom and sister.
new wardrobe, new shoes.
save, for once.
6 people you want to know more about:
henri langlois
rhan small ernst, my husband
agnes varda
taki ernst, my mom
new york school of poets (collectively)
nina simone
thanks, inkysocks!
STREET SMARTS
to some readers it will come as a surprise to learn that houdini exposed some handcuff secrets, considering that his career depended on them. it might also be assumed that he reserved such writings until he was through with the secrets concerned. quite to the contrary, these represent some of his earliest literary efforts, published while he was still actively engaged in baffling the public with the very artifices he discloses.
harry houdini: savvy enough to know that exposing his secrets would discredit his imitators; showman enough to draw crowds even after those secrets were revealed. there's a lesson in there somewhere. please, houdini, somebody: tell me how to live, what to do, how to succeed. i'm at a loss tonight.
(excerpt from houdini on magic, edited by walter gibson and morris young)
CAROL KANE
above: carol in the last detail and annie hall
we just watched the last detail (an amazing film that merits a post in itself) and i was reminded of my love for carol kane. i began wondering what she's been up to lately; a little internet research tells me that her last big project was a leading role in that broadway phenomenon wicked. i don't think i'll ever see wicked, but no matter: i will always love and remember carol kane for these early movies, as well for her role as simka, latka's wife on taxi (remember how they used to fight?). she's delicately beautiful and a little bit odd. love her to pieces.
BIOGRAPHY AND MYTH
richard roud on mary meerson, partner and co-conspirator of henri langlois:
if mary meerson could be persuaded to write the story of her life, it would make fascinating reading--but she won't. nor will she let anyone else; nor will she even tell the whole story. occasionally bits will come out; after seeing the soviet film the last night, mary said to me that it was the one film that really gave an accurate picture of life during the revolution. "you would go out to a party," she said, "and then you couldn't come home, because the battle lines between reds and whites had shifted within the city." but when i asked her, "where was that, mary, and when?" she immediately changed the subject.
in her own words,"mary meerson does not exist. i am scheherazade."
i have been thinking a lot about mary meerson, and others, too: joseph beuys comes to mind, and andy warhol. all three are people who were notorious for deliberately shrouding their own pasts in mystery; all three refused to answer questions with verifiable facts. i am wondering about this impulse and where it came from; were mary, joseph and andy always so evasive, or was this a tactic they developed when they became famous--when people started to ask, and ask too much? 
if i could have it my way, i would dedicate my history to an entire book, a book that explained not only the story of my life, but my story with backlog, perspective, justification: my story of my life. there isn't enough breath in my lungs nor sense in my brain to recount it verbally, and i haven't the talent nor the access to set it to paper. what i'm wishing for would be the handywork of some invisible notetaker, having started from the moment i was born--an impossible, supernatural thing. i am not a religious girl, but still: imagine that book. in his story the library of babel, borges talks about the books of vindication, "books of apology and prophecy which vindicated for all time the acts of every man in the universe and retained prodigious arcana for his future." i suppose what i'm describing is my book of vindication; and if i had it, i would be generous.
and every person i met whom i trusted, whom i knew would be good with it--they could take it and know everything there was to know about me. i am the kind of person who longs for that sort of access and transparency, which is all the more reason that people like mary meerson fascinate me. people like mary leave unanswered questions in their wake; they persist in the world, in part, as myth.
I AM...CHARISMATIC
louis theroux takes some headshots on an old episode of weird weekends.
for those who haven't seen it, weird weekends was a show that ran from 1998 to 2000 and consisted of BBC journalist louis theroux (son of travel writer paul theroux) investigating different ways of living from around the world--everything from struggling actors and swinger parties to survivalists and thai brides. click here to see louis in an actors' workshop in new york, engaging in what is called the "bragging exercise." hilarious, fascinating, a little bit painful. love it.
ON ROLLER COASTERS
we spent all day yesterday riding roller coasters.
our two favorites were tatsu, a roller coaster that gives the rider the sensation of flight, and X2, a ride with seats that swivel 360 degrees and an initial drop done backwards. they are both elegant rides, but different; if X2 is gene kelly, then tatsu is most certainly fred astaire.
roller coasters are getting to the place now where the marvel of their engineering leaves almost as strong an impression as the thrill of riding them. i got home last night obsessed with the question, where will roller coasters go next? google couldn't find me the answer, so i guess i'll just have to wait.
magic mountain is a pretty obnoxious theme park, what with its overpriced crap and terrible music playing everywhere. but we had so much fun. there is this moment on tatsu--a great, sweeping turn of the track that sends you plummeting face first towards the ground like a falling bird--that i could still feel when i closed my eyes in bed last night. there's something very beautiful about that.
FOOD SURVEY
kira has tagged us with a delightful food survey. our answers are below:
one thing i don't like
juliet: mayonnaise.
rhan: chicken.
three of my favorite foods
juliet: a bowl of ramen noodles, a crisp fuji apple, and a loaf of crusty bread.
rhan: cabbage and pasta with black pepper, the little japanese shrimp sandwiches i get at chabuya tokyo noodle bar on sawtelle, and juliet's egg burrito.
my favorite recipe
juliet: does this mean a recipe i can or do make? because in that case the list is woefully short. i suppose i would have to say an egg burrito. i make a mean egg burrito. ask rhan.
rhan: potato soup with paprika rantash.
my drink
juliet: tanqueray and tonic, lime preferred.
rhan: belvedere martini on the rocks with a twist.
the dish i wish i could cook
juliet: cioppino. ice cream. or perhaps a croissant.
rhan: persian rice with its crusty shell.
my best food memory
juliet: eating noodles at the noodle bar in tokyo; my sister and i ordering them "oily" simply because we were delighted that "oily" was an option. also, coming home from school in the ninth grade and eating croissant after croissant smothered in chunky peanut butter and never paying for it. the memory of a high metabolism.
rhan: the first time juliet visited me in los angeles, we went to dupar's for breakfast. she was famished and ate an omelet and toast with coffee and a large orange juice and a gigantic chocolate cake donut....it was delightfully cute!
feel free to leave your answers in the comments!
YOU SHOULDN'T LET POETS LIE TO YOU
today juliet and i go to to magic mountain to ride roller coasters. last night we watched some bjork videos. we still love her so much!
i have been on a roll lately, freely writing music. last week i wrote a song called paper affections. it's a good song, but it's an odd one, because the lyrics shocked and embarassed me. i totally let my ego run wild in the narrative and character of the voice. the words poured out and fit perfectly with the music. i don't know what i will do with paper affections. it makes me feel very strange that i had allowed my fears and ugliness to be so revealed in my work. i have always tried to keep my illusions and paranoia at bay. still, i like the song and i think that it is somewhat of a turning point as a composer and an artist. it's very strange.
yesterday was such a good day. we accomplished errands. we hung a picture that had been leaning against the wall for too long. juliet discovered and showed me how to fold a t-shirt in two seconds. i swooned at this demonstration because it was like one of those significant moments where i saw her so clearly. it is going to stay in my heart and mind forever, i think!
videos from here, here and here
SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE
bag of hammers by thao with the get down stay down.
1. hey, i have that same camera!
2. catchy tune, right?
2a. am i totally behind on this girl? this is apparently from her second album.
3. rhan noticed today (reluctantly) that her voice has a similar quality to edie brickell's. uh-oh. major liability. i still like thao, though, so far. what do you think?
4. bound to be stuck in my head for days!
ON SINGLE-MINDEDNESS
in those days--and even now--few frenchmen went to a university; a lycée education was considered sufficient for most careers, but it was all-important that the bac be passed. henri did not pass his. his brother georges says that henri did write his french literature dissertation (part one of the bac) but got a zero in it. he had, says georges, dared to compare molière (the subject of the dissertation) with charlie chaplin. so he came home and said to his father that since he got a zero in his best subject (french), there was no point in taking cram courses or going back for another year. he was poor in math, chemistry, and physics, so what would be the point? according to georges, his father gave in. henri's friend and colleague lotte eisner, however, says that he never even took the exam, because on the day it was scheduled he went to two double-feature film programs.
from a passion for films: henri langlois and the cinémathèque française by richard roud. totally riveting.
the world--and not just the cinephile portion of it--owes so much to this man.
i'll write more once i finish the book.
BLACK LEATHER
oh black leather thrill...two of these people are dead.
1981 pretenders message of love
thanks to clarkdv
THE ARRANGEMENT
the arrangement, starring kirk douglas and faye dunaway, was directed in 1969 by elia kazan and is based on his novel of the same name. it is the story of a successful advertising agent who has had an affair and the subsequent surreal turn of events that leaves him questioning his life. he is confused, angry, in a sort mournful state. he sees his present life rendered like a cartoon. he falls into a frenzy mixing recent and ancient past with manic depressive gusto. yipee!
the film is shocking, beautiful on the eyes, both stupid and smart at the same time. the design is very west coast pop, and the structure is complex in its arrangement (ha) of edits. the movie sort of beats on and on hysterically, shifting backwards and forwards in time. and it really is quite a melodramatic downer. at the same time, it’s kind of fun to watch. there were several times when i thought “this is terrible,” but i found that i could not take my eyes off of it. and now that i’ve watched it, i can’t stop thinking about it.
film stills from here
IMAGINED CELEBRITY CHILDHOOD II
every thursday evening my mom and dad would have bobby mcferrin over for cocktails. my sister and i would come running to greet bobby at the door, and he’d scoop us up in his arms and call us “his favorite girls” in a funny high-pitched voice. "make noises for us, uncle bobby!" we’d beg him, and he’d always oblige, blipping and blooping and pounding his chest rhythmically, sending us into squeals of delight.
i can only remember one time when bobby didn't have a good time at our house. that was the time when dad argued with bobby over his version of drive my car, when dad said nobody should cover the beatles--dad was a beatles freak. bobby argued that his version added something different, something he kept calling "a new take," but dad was getting real upset and so was bobby. mom sent my sister and i to our room, which she didn't normally do, and we spent the rest of the night whispering to each other about the fight. we were really worried because we liked uncle bobby so much.
they must have made up, though, since uncle bobby was back the next thursday, happy as ever. he and my dad even hugged each other, and laughed more that night than usual.
this is part two of a continuing series.
TUSCANY 1965
this reminds me of my 7th grade art teacher, mr. gianotto
photo by gianni berengo gardin
LOOK AT THEIR EARS
it's so embarrassing to admit but i can't get this out of my head.
sorry, here's another one-
we now return to our regularly scheduled program.
RANDOM PRIMARY IMAGES
found on web 12.31.07 -no photo credit:reuters
found 06.04.08 -brendan smialowski/afp/getty images
SONGS OF SPRING
fun! the lovely vanessa of the equally lovely stopping to eat the roses has tagged me to list the seven songs that are defining my spring. the original instructions state:
"List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they’re not any good, but they must be songs you’re really enjoying now, shaping your spring. Post these instructions in your blog along with your 7 songs."
i am a compulsive shuffle-skipper; i can breeze through a list of 300 songs only having actually listened to about ten. thus, i thought the best criterion for me in drafting my list would be the top seven songs for which i consistently stop the shuffle. pretty easy. so my seven of right now goes something like this:
1. you'll find a way (switch and siden remix) by santogold
2. you came to me by beach house
3. high blood pressure by prince buster
4. sebastiana by gal costa
5. rock bottom riser by gudrun gut
6. baby it's you by the shirelles
7. f-oldin' money by the fall
and hey! you can listen to them all right here.
i don't know what all these songs have to do with one another except that they're all pretty upbeat. well, not the beach house or the shirelles, but the beach house is still hopelessly pretty and the shirelles is great to sing along with. oh, and the gudrun gut is pretty low-key but very, very cool. so there you have it.
shall i continue the game? kira, tessa, inkysocks: you're it(s).
GET A REAL JOB
countless times in my life, people have told me, “rhan, this is not art; this is just a job.” this statement usually follows a discussion involving some shortcut to a project--one that was most likely a paid project. i was probably making a suggestion that i believed would enhance the work and permit me and the others to feel as though we had done something meaningful. i’m always surprised by this response.
"this is not art; this is just a job." it is as if because this is a paycheck, we simply must get it done fast so we can get our money and go home. to most, art is a thing that involves passion and a disregard for the lowest common denominator. i have met folks that think artists should be poor and have to suffer -i imagine this kind of thinking has something to do with of vincent van gogh, though i’m not sure. the words "art" and "artist" have not been held in the most favorable light in my life when it comes to getting paid. i continue to work on projects because that is what i do.
by the way, i really dislike the question “what do you do?” i don’t like to be defined as a person by what i do for 10 to 12 hours a day, especially when, in the case of being an artist, this usually means searching for 4 or 5 hours for an idea.
i was in the backseat on my way to an art opening in north carolina. in the front seat, mark clark was driving and richard craven (also known as richard canard) was riding shotgun. mark clark was in a group show and we were riding with him to see it. we were driving over a particularly beautiful stretch of highway and richard was telling us about meeting andy warhol. andy had visited richard's school for a talk in the early 60’s. i was very impressed by this story, but then richard said something that has stayed with me all of my life-
“everything man-made is art; everything else is nature.”
artworks by
Bob & Roberta Smith, 2002 for perogi in brooklyn ny
and
richard canard, 2007 correspondence
BUDDY MOVIES
it occurs to me that several of the films that have affected me most in the last couple of months have been buddy movies (of sorts): 3 women, california split, and celine and julie go boating, shown above respectively. "buddy movie" is a loose term in this case--each of these films has its own relationship strangenesses. but they feel that way to me. perhaps i'm just missing my friends.
taking the term as loosely as you like: what are your favorite buddy movies?
IF I TOLD HIM ONCE MORE
kira does gertrudes stein by my best friend and her friend, mark p. genius. love.
NOISES
some people think farts are really funny. i don't think farts are that funny, but i do agree in principle that a good, well-timed noise is ripe with comedic potential. some noises i find funny include (but are not limited to):
a smattering of applause in any context
microphone feedback
the clinking of ice cubes (in the glass of a drunk)
real situations in which i might hear all three:
-karaoke night
-open mic night
fantasy situations in which i might hear all three:
-reading by an unknown ernest hemingway
-band practice with the doors
when we saw YACHT open for lcd soundsystem last year, and YACHT asked the crowd how everyone was doing, rhan's first impulse was to yell "I'LL HAVE A MEDIUM SOY LATTE." i would have liked to hear that.
the only other funny noise i can think of is someone (me) yelling at a male performer to "SHOW US YOUR BOOBS," but i've yet to actually hear that one.
LIGHTNING
just discovered: lightning by paul and marlene kos, 1976. watch it here.
to me, an elegant metaphor for the creative process.
i'm filing this one away.
tremendous gratitude to joão ribas at expanded cinema for the original post,
and ubuweb, ultimately: keep on keepin' on.
MAY FILM LOG: A REVIEW
may started with a bang: mister lonely by harmony korine. its beauty determined my good movie mood for the rest of the month.
and then came agnes varda. i watched le bonheur for the first time and consumed as many extras and short films of hers as i could. she is one of the all-time greats.
took a strange detour with werner herzog's even dwarfs started small, a weird and violent film i won't soon forget.
got sad watching mayor of the sunset strip; got even sadder seeing rodney in a restaurant the next night.
barton fink and the greatness of john goodman. "i'll show you the life of the mind!"
found myself hijacked by the gilmore girls: season six, which, i must note, is way better than season seven is shaping up to be. lorelai marries christopher? yawn.
took a trip with alfred hitchcock in rope and then the trouble with harry, the latter being a bit silly for my taste. beautiful-looking movies both, however.
and then: the long goodbye and california split, two films directed by the late, great robert altman and starring the fabulous elliot gould. elliot gould's greatness cannot be overstated. a perfect end to an excellent month.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
