THE GIRLFRIEND EXPERIENCE, dir. STEVEN SODERBERGH, 2009
PSA: one of the more aggressively boring movies i have seen in a long time. save your money.
morning has broken
i wake up at 5:30a to a high pitched little voice squeaking near my face but from below.
- i say, shhhhhh, loudly and the owner of said little voice scampers away.
full of gasssss - needing to pee - i get up and stagger towards relief.
as i turn the corner, the little voice greets me, surprised,
“hello,
- oh you’re up - hey - you should make yourself some coffee, big cat!
hey, uh, big cat, how bout some food?”
i sort of smirk and shut the bathroom door.
minutes later,
the second alarm is morning edition, 7:30a, which lately has been a strange greek chorus of failure and collapse. followed by the little voice saying,
“hey what was that sound? did it wake you up too? i was fast asleep here in your pants on the floor when i heard it - kinda startled me, big cat - so, uh, big cat, how bout some food?”
the little voice has more to say from the front room but i can’t hear exactly
because i am sneezing repeatedly - this fit requires kleenex and there is none to be had bed side - i slap the snooze and roll out of bed - stagger again towards relief.
minutes later
i fall back in bed to forget until the third alarm sounds at 8a
morning edition continues with tales of the recession / depression,
now the little voice shouts out in the hall,
“hungry” then “out”
the voice is no longer a little buddy co-conspirator.
the voice is now absolute, full of demand and its time to get up.
little richard, just cuz.
we rented the girl can't help it, starring jayne mansfield and her insane silhouette. something about the beauty of jayne mansfield's face is very contemporary--a sort of taut, empty-eyed, big-lipped look, which seems more 2000s plastic surgery than 1950s bombshell to me. still, she rocked it hard. she was an ambitious one, that jayne, signing a seven year contract with warners and divorcing her first husband on the very same day, knowing full well where her priorities were. she was on the up and up, until one day, tragically, she wasn't.
one of those great, candid photographs. a tough world for beautiful women.
I WOKE UP THIS MORNING to the sound of distant cheering. it's the city marathon today, and a stretch of the route, down 6th street towards la brea in mid-town los angeles, is about thirty paces from our front door. spectators are yelling and holding signs ("run katy, we want beer" or "i have met my hero, and he is me"), being generally encouraging to any participant that runs by. if you look down sixth street you can see them all approaching--some shirtless, some smiling, some deep in concentration. it's very life-affirming, this stuff.
it's one of those overcast days where the clouds are grey but the sun is still strong behind them, resulting in a general atmosphere so bright you have to squint just to look at anything. strange to see so many healthy people on the streets on a day like this.
sopranos again last night. tony recovered from his gunshot to the stomach, to rhan's everlasting relief. vito is in hiding for being gay. johnny sacks was humiliated at his daugther's wedding, which made me cry like an idiot.
DESIGN FOR LIVING, dir. ERNST LUBITSCH, 1933
He went on, "What constituency is there for pessimism? People believe optimism is necessary, an American right. The presumption of optimism is the problem. That's what creates the debt we have now." (As a well-regarded French investor said to me one day, "There is no spirit of resignation in the American people." Most of us would probably regard this as a virtue.)
from "the death of kings" by nick paumgarten, a long look into the financial collapse, in last week's new yorker.
from "the death of kings" by nick paumgarten, a long look into the financial collapse, in last week's new yorker.
Babette and I tell each other everything. I have told everything, such as it was at the time, to each of my wives. There is more to tell, of course, as marriages accumulate. But when I say I believe in complete disclosure I don't mean it cheaply, as anecdotal sport or shallow revelation. It is a form of self-renewal and a gesture of custodial trust. Love helps us develop an identity secure enough to allow itself to be placed in another's care and protection. Babette and I have turned our lives for each other's thoughtful regard, turned them in the moonlight in our pale hands, spoken deep into the night about fathers and mothers, childhood, friendships, awakenings, old loves, old fears (except fear of death). No detail must be left out, not even a dog with ticks or a neighbor's boy who ate an insect on a dare. The smell of pantries, the sense of empty afternoons, the feel of things as they rained across our skin, things as facts and passions, the feel of pain, loss, disappointment, breathless delight. In these night recitations we create a space between things as we felt them at the time and as we speak them now. This is the space reserved for irony, sympathy and fond amusement, the means by which we rescue ourselves from the past.
-from white noise by don delillo, a book i've started several times but have yet to finish. it isn't for lack of interest; i'm obsessed by this passage, this feeling about love. just beautiful. this makes me want to write.
-from white noise by don delillo, a book i've started several times but have yet to finish. it isn't for lack of interest; i'm obsessed by this passage, this feeling about love. just beautiful. this makes me want to write.
UPDATE: we're all up in THE SOPRANOS, a series which rhan and i somehow managed to miss yet are totally obsessed with now. we're deep into season five, and if you know how it ends DON'T TELL ME, since i miraculously escaped finding that out, too. i can't believe how good this show is. it's getting under my skin.
beautiful new piece by asdsska - a duo consisting of aska matsumiya (the sads, moonrats)
and david scott stone (the sads, get hustle, unwound, melvins).
directed/filmed by crystal moselle and spike jonze
A CROSS SECTION OF INPUT, Monday, May 11, 2009
THINGS I'VE READ, SEEN, AND THOUGHT ABOUT
1. an article in monocle called FRESH MINSK, about the future of belarus. one of our best friends comes from belarus, has family there, and as such i have a vague, custodial sort of interest in its well-being (though i know next to nothing about it). life is difficult there, though minsk looks lovely in pictures.
2. driving to and from the volunteer gig listening to this still, because it sounds so good to me.
3. never saying "dealbreaker" again after last week's 30 rock.
4. have bought the last three consecutive issues of the new yorker, which is more than i have bought in the last two years total, even though full issues are now available for free online and have been for many months. this sort of needless spending, given our finances, encapsulates (1) the reason for our crappy finances in the first place, and (2) the way, perhaps, we should be behaving given the finances of the world right now: supporting the things we love with our money, where we can. i have no qualms.
5. great this american life rerun last week. first story about a traditional iranian marriage, its failure, and its ultimate reinvention as a traditional american marriage. fascinating and sweet. get it here.
2. driving to and from the volunteer gig listening to this still, because it sounds so good to me.
3. never saying "dealbreaker" again after last week's 30 rock.
4. have bought the last three consecutive issues of the new yorker, which is more than i have bought in the last two years total, even though full issues are now available for free online and have been for many months. this sort of needless spending, given our finances, encapsulates (1) the reason for our crappy finances in the first place, and (2) the way, perhaps, we should be behaving given the finances of the world right now: supporting the things we love with our money, where we can. i have no qualms.
5. great this american life rerun last week. first story about a traditional iranian marriage, its failure, and its ultimate reinvention as a traditional american marriage. fascinating and sweet. get it here.
MORAL VICTORIES: some weeks ago the parking machine ate my twenty dollar bill. three phone calls, two emails, and an internet hunt later, i have been justly refunded by the city clerk. i very rarely act on principle alone, and even more rarely follow through on anything. as such, this victory is huge, and i am smug from it. ho!
DOWNLOAD OUR FREE MAY MIXTAPE RIGHT HERE.
it's a brief-ie but a goodie. put it on your ipod, turn it on while you drive, play it low as you clean the apartment, move the couch out of the way and dance to it. we don't mind. we like you so much.
AND: you can still download THE MEKUS CUT and rhan's instrumental album, UNDERANONYMOUS, for FREE by following the same link. it's a screaming deal.
AND: you can still download THE MEKUS CUT and rhan's instrumental album, UNDERANONYMOUS, for FREE by following the same link. it's a screaming deal.
we had a perfect anniversary on friday, one the best days we've spent in a long time. and now i'm thinking all about love--not just the wonder and the joy of it, but the heartache, too, the difficulty of it, the mistakes, repairs, love songs, love films, falling in love, falling out, sustaining love, working at love, finding love, keeping love, and on and on and on. it never stops being interesting, does it?
I'M ALWAYS GONNA LOOK AT YOU LIKE THAT.
can we see the future? no, no we cannot see the future.
are we brave? yes, yes, we are brave.
do you believe that life is a series of adventures? oh yes, yes it is.
you know, others may not see believe what you and i see and believe? yes, i know it.
we have to be fearless as fearless then as we are right now. yes, we are fearless.
it's the first of the month. a new month today.
a new series of days and so forth.
it was good that we did what we did on the first day of may.
it was a good idea, juliet! it was revolutionary! and we are so brave.
we both have today off. i wonder what we will do today. fun things for sure.
we have a couple of plans. but there is still some time where we will have to capture the moment.
it's our two year anniversary today.
two years brave.
two years fearless.
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