in his delirium a few coins had fallen from his belt, along with a cone of bright metal, the size of a die. in vain a boy tried to pick up this cone. a man was scarcely able to raise it from the ground. i held it in my hand for a few minutes; i remember that its weight was intolerable and that after it was removed, the feeling of oppressiveness remained. i also remember the exact circle it pressed into my palm. this sensation of a very small and at the same time extremely heavy object produced a disagreeable impression of repugnance and fear. one of the local men suggested we throw it into the swollen river; anorim acquired it for a few pesos. no one knew anything about the dead man, except that "he came from the border." these small, very heavy cones (made from a metal which is not of this world) are images of the divinity in certain regions of tlön.
in response to my best friend's life-changing fictions: this is one of mine.
ON MYSTERY
PRIVATE SORROWS
our best friends have lost their cat. the thought of losing this little man makes me unbearably sad. we will cling to him hard tonight.
send all your good thoughts their way in locating little choozik. if you're in the tempe, arizona area, please look here.
DREAM IMAGES
there are nights that i cannot sleep unless i watch a film silently. i purposefully turn off the subtitles so that i am only watching the images. (by the way, how do you really feel about subtitles?) i feel certain that in my subconscious somewhere, these images are exercising a peculiar effect on my dreams. for awhile now, my nighttime film of choice has been hiroshi teshigahara’s 1962 film pitfall.
i enjoy watching films without sound. if the film is well done, you don’t need the sound to tell you the story. the images do all of the work.
sound designer/film editor walter murch says that the ideal number of tracks of audio for film would be zero. he tries to get the audience to a point, somehow, where they can imagine the sound completely. “that’s the ideal sound,” says murch, “ the one that totally exists in their minds because it’s the most intimate.”
this bedtime experiment works because it settles my mind and readies me for sleep. i invariably stay awake only to a certain point in the film and then drift off to my dreams with those images in mind. i wonder how many versions of the film i’ve actually seen.
this week i decided to finally watch pitfall with an alert brain and the sound on. i was rewarded with a very beautiful sound design and the music of toru takemitsu! his music is as much sound as it is music and it functions as a character in most of teshigahara’s films.
pitfall is a strange tale. it’s a richly layered crime story littered with ghosts, and there are points in the story that seem to make as little sense to the characters as they do to the viewing audience. in these moments, it is as though takemitsu’s score is the only element of the film that knows exactly what is going on.
having now seen the film both with and without sound, i understand what murch is saying. i have a more intimate relationship with this film now because i have seen the film so often with the sound only in my mind and in my dreams.
IT MAKES A TERRIFIC LINE
shelley duvall readies herself in bernice bobs her hair.
it's a story about the disappointments and triumphs of young adulthood, as honest in sentiment as anything i've ever seen. it's a low-budget, flawed little picture, but it is almost entirely redeemed by the presence of shelley duvall and bud cort, who each possess a quiet charisma i would pay good money to acquire. you work yourself up to something, you mean to prove it, and the response is so underwhelming it could break your heart--a lukewarm smattering of applause. you have to learn to be charming because it doesn't come naturally, but the social world is difficult, unforgiving, and its moods change too fast. you eventually learn to be yourself, if you're lucky. ultimately, bernice is lucky. a story of ordinary melancholy. time to read the original.
MISH-MASH
it is the responsibility of the person who used the dryer last to empty the lint trap for the next person. nobody should ever, while transferring their wet laundry from the washer to the dryer, find that the lint trap is still full from the previous load. this didn't happen to me today, but i always think it might so i'm prepared to be angry about it. also, i don't care what anybody says, the dark knight was a mess.
we get to put these drops in the cat's eye twice a day to fight the infection he picked up last week. i say "get to" because it's fun-doing. then i had this dream last night with jehovah's witnesses in it. in the dream, i woke up and they were just there, in the house, and i was mad at the girl witness because she had used my computer without asking me. do you know that jehovah's witnesses have rules about which blood products they can and cannot accept should they need blood for a transfusion or whatever? they're fucking nuts.**
i just read nathanael west; now i'm reading raymond chandler. i'm also sucked into the wondrous archives of this recording, a site that just reinforces my suspicion that i'm a step or three behind the trends of the internet. yesterday i had to google search to make sure sasha frere-jones wasn't the font guy (he isn't). in any event, i'm a little worried that everything i post right now will be a scattered mash of west, chandler, and this recording. which wouldn't be bad, actually.
you know who else is great? her. her, too. and him. just to name a few. and look, i have this painful whitehead underneath my nose. sometimes you'll wake up with an iffy pimple in the morning that will come to a head during the day, while you're at work, for instance. and then you have to balance your options, which are (a) leave it there for others to endure looking at until you get home later, or (b) slip off to the bathroom and take care of it, though that means coming back without the head suddenly and leaving it to your coworkers to think about what you just did in the bathroom. i don't like anybody to know that much about me. unless i'm telling them myself.
**maybe not all of them. maybe.
THE FRONT ROOM OF HER PLACE
j s e watching a "six feet under" episode.
like so many people, i wish that there was a way to film exactly what i see in the moment.
i'm really fond of uta barth's work, because so much of it is photographed in the front room of her place.
i try to keep the cameras ready to grab these things, quick. these small things of life. the ones that sort of stop you dead in your tracks.
the light on this day was beautiful. i was photographing it on the walls of our apartment, very barth-like compositions. i suppose the photos i took that day were a bit too much like ms. barth, but then i look over into j s e's office and i see her sitting, satisfied in a television bliss and there it was, oh.
i think many people do the same thing. you want to preserve things. moments in your hands. things that you love. some treasure, some representation of the heart, captured with eyes (and camera), unadorned. i am so fortunate to live in this beautiful apartment with two beautiful beings, our cat, jack boots (very difficult capture on camera) and juliet (very easy on the eyes).
listen, if you like, to a song by the group lali puna called "small things."
this version of the song is from a mix that i constructed for a gift store.
the lyrics are really simple and to the point of all this:
big mistakes
biggest hurt
my whole past behind glass
great divide
great deceit
the whole past on my mind
remember the small things
you say: remember the small things.
photograph by uta barth
EYEBROW DREAM
so i had a dream where somebody was making fun of my eyebrows.
which theory of dreams is the correct one? if it is like i heard once, and every person in your dream is actually you, then it was me making fun of my own eyebrows. the horror.
10,000 dreams interpreted, written by one gustavus hindman miller, has this to say about eyebrow dreams: "eyebrows, denotes that you will encounter sinister obstacles in your immediate future." but he sort of says that about everything.
VIEWING HABITS
in the opening shots of “contempt,” jean luc godard quotes andre bazin: “the cinema substitutes for our gaze a world more in harmony with our desires.”
some people talk about losing themselves in a movie or a character. that’s one of those phrases, like “falling to pieces,” that my mind likes to take literally. how many people lose themselves in cinemas all over the world? and what happens after the end of the movie--do they find themselves again, perhaps sitting in another chair entirely? do they find themselves when they find their ride home? -oh there’s my car; and there i am, too!
of course i know what it means to lose oneself, but i think it is understood that if a film or story is good that you somehow forget that you are indeed watching a film or a story. i am always aware that i am watching a movie. even if the story and performances are emotionally brilliant and i am moved to tears, laughing hysterically, or terrified, i know that it is ultimately light passing through a medium and projected on the screen, and that is what i am responding to.
juliet’s mom, taki ernst, is an avid filmgoer. she sees more films in a week than some folks see in a year. her appetite for film was even written about in the newspaper covering a local film festival. almost every weekend, she attends all of the local openings in her town. sometimes she stands in line for hours, waiting to be one of the first to see the latest hollywood offering. during a festival week, she will see up to 30 films. she has been quoted in the article on her love of the independents. she says, "independent film is where the new ideas are."
i am a huge fan of taki and her love of film. her ability to take in so many at one time humbles me a bit. it bonded me immediately with my mother-law. the first film that i saw with her was the very interesting “into great silence.” it was the first mother’s day that i spent with my new family. she has passed her film fascinations and obsessions onto her daughters as well, and for that i am very grateful. there is never a loss for a gift on holidays, for her or from her. the only real consideration is, “do you already own that?” needless to say her collection of dvds is staggering! she’s even a little protective about them. i hope that she will not mind me writing that about it or her.
some time ago, i inherited a 16mm film collection through a connection at a local university. they needed to get rid of the collection for space and no one was watching 16mm film anymore, so they simply gave it away, ultimately to me. the collection is stored at my dad’s place in north carolina. it’s a pretty substantial load. i’m very grateful that he had the space and the willingness to house it for me. we have talked about sending them out to me a few at a time to enjoy here in california.
the collection is an odd array of shorts and features. some of the features are bootlegs, shot with another 16mm camera. one of the films is a bootlegged copy of howard hawks’ 1946 film “the big sleep” starring humphrey bogart and a young and singularly interesting lauren bacall. this copy has so many surface scratches both on the original projection and the resultant copy that at times it is as if you are watching the film through a downpour of rain. it reminds me of watching a stan brakhage piece. it’s fascinating.
i sort of came to understand what cinema means to me through this collection. it has to do with time. specifically the breakdown of a second. the instant of feeling and perception. frames of images flashed before light. if you think about it like that, there is no way to have the same experience watching the same film twice. each time is different.
in the interview included with the criterion release of la jetée and sans soleil, chris marker says, “godard nailed it once and for all: at the cinema, you raise your eyes to the screen; in front of the television, you lower them. then there is the role of the shutter. out of the two hours you spend in a movie theater, you spend one of them in the dark. it's this nocturnal portion that stays with us, that fixes our memory of a film in a different way than the same film seen on television or on a monitor.”
there is one film in my collection that solidified cinema for me, a sealed educational short for elementary grade children on the subject of hygiene. the print was absolutely pristine and it’s possible that it had never before been projected. i had an emotional reaction to the beauty of this print. it was like stepping lightly and respectfully on virgin soil.
photos from criterion’s release of godard’s “contempt.”
this post is a contribution to the self-involvement blog-o-thon at culture snob.
GOOD THINGS TODAY
1. INTERNET TELEVISION: we finished watching every episode of david wain's great web series wainy days on thursday. when i got home from work today, we watched a few episodes of the office before taking a long nap. it's true when i tell people we don't have television at our house--we don't--but that doesn't mean we're not watching tv, one way or another. full online episodes are a godsend.
2. BOOTS WITH HIS COLLAR OFF: the cat looks better naked.
3. MATMOS: we're seeing them at the echoplex tomorrow night. their latest album, supreme balloon, is pretty fun stuff.
4. STEAK: i started eating meat again. boneless new york strips, broiled with salt, pepper and garlic, served with a little rice and sauce. it's good to be back.
5. MY DINNER WITH ANDRE: several reputable sources are telling me that my dinner with andre will be rereleased by criterion in the foreseeable future. this is a big deal, especially since it went out of print in the last year and became prohibitively expensive to own. also, the only transfer the world has ever seen has been a really crappy one; i have faith that criterion will finally do right by this movie. yesss.
6. EXTREME BODY BUILDING: louis theroux does it again. watch all five parts, starting with this one. the women at the end are totally fascinating.
i need more episodes.
my many thanks to elizabeth at life of roo for accentuating the positive.
ON DIFFERENCE
paradise valley, az: a stone's throw away from where i went to high school.
"paradise valley," mi: the detroit ghetto where poet robert hayden grew up.
there are differences that humble you.
and there's talent that humbles you, too.
SUMMER APARTMENT SONGS
we've recently rearranged our entire apartment, which has uncrowded our space in a way we hadn't expected. there's a wide open (dance) floor where rhan's work desk used to be, and that dinky ikea table set has become our new windowside cafe. hot weather has coincided with this new arrangement, and so in a belated answer to a tag from no good for me, one of our very favorite blogs, we're posting our new apartment summer songs: songs that have drifted in this warm and sunny space so far.
something on your mind by karen dalton
karen dalton is known as the billie holiday of folk music; she is a revelation to me. we last listened to in my own time this sunday, a lazy, warmish afternoon, which is perhaps the ideal climate for a voice so arresting. this is time taking its time.
money by the flying lizards
somebody's muxtape made us think of the flying lizards; i played this song about four times in a row after we tracked the album down. the flying lizards walk this weird line of parody and earnestness, and the delivery of the lines "but your love won't pay the bills/i want money" gets me every time. the dance floor came in handy.
don't get me wrong by the pretenders
as much as i love the pretenders, i always thought this song was a little bit dorky; as rhan put it, it's a fraction too close to katrina and the waves. but listening to it again recently i realized that i actually love this song. it's hokey, yes, but also sort of sad-sounding, and when chrissie hynde says "it might just be fantastic" at the song's end, i can't help but agree with her. the secret, delighted suspicion that things just might work out.
nantes by beirut
past its prime, but listening to this song lately has reminded me how much i loved that beirut show last year. a composite audience of indie geeks and fraternity brothers, this was a show of arms over shoulders and swinging beer steins. take it in and sing it out. (jse)
ciao ciautistico by xxl
when i like something musical, i tend to go whole hog and buy or acquire all i can of the artist. this can wreak havoc on your shuffle if you’re not careful, and xiu xiu has been doing just that to mine for quite a while (especially since i can’t quite put my finger on what it is i even like about this group). this cut is from a collaboration with the group larsen.
UMEgination by yoshimi and yuka
we had house guests over the 4th. they left saturday evening. it was quite a full couple of days. sunday we woke up and enjoyed our space a bit, sitting in our windowside cafe with coffee and this bit of loveliness.
t.o.j. by el-p
i haven’t played this in our newly arranged place much past last evening, but i liked the way it felt. this from an album called fantastic damage. i like the organized narrative sound of el-p. (rse)
listen to each and every one of these songs right here.
thank you liz, kat, laura for the tag!
MARLENE DIETRICH'S FIRST SCREEN TEST
whenever i hear the word "necessity," i think of this screen test. it was made by josef von sternberg just before ms. dietrich starred in one of my favorite films, "the blue angel." it was long thought to be lost in world war II, and marlene herself never saw it.
"you're the cream in my coffee
you're the salt in my stew
you will always be my necessity,
i am lost without you."
thanks to trilbyofarrell for uploading
CAT UPDATE
for about two days the cat adopted this weird way of sitting, with his front paws on the outside of his back paws, stoic like a gargoyle. look at the picture above and imagine upward: his face staring straight ahead, unblinking. also lately when he wants to go outside, he meows in this way like he's being abused, like he's oppressed and angry. this has happened ever since he brought the dead mouse inside and we took it away from him. i think we violated a primal cat code.
he sleeps beside me and not at my feet now. he has taken to retiring to the closet again, during the day, because it's so hot. we take his collar off at night, once it's gotten too dark for him to go outside, and he has learned what this nakedness means. he settles down then, after his collar is off. his face is still sweet.
