i seek film, books, even pieces of internet fluff, with a terrific competitiveness. i'm not looking to outdo anybody but simply to catch up, to match the world's seemingly tireless pace. spending too much time on the internet will do this to you. i think all the time: for every movie i see there are thousands more i haven't seen but should; for every book i read there are classics i haven't read and new books being written. this competitiveness consumes me and stresses me out. and beyond wanting to develop myself from the inside, there is the matter of outer style, of fashion, that i often find i don't have the energy for. given the choice, i would sooner see a movie than go shopping, but the larger issue is that i don't think there needs to be a choice. i would like new clothes, or better daily clothes, but my energy is finite. how does one fix things to have it all?